Self-Pity

I think everyone owns one – THAT hat! That “Self-Pity” hat! I’m not sure there are many of us who enjoy wearing it or purposefully put it on but every now and again it sneaks up on you and before you know it, there it is; owning YOU! I can honestly say - I loathe my self-pity hat! It’s ugly, it makes me feel worthless and uncomfortable and as hard as I try, it never seems to go away. Well, my friends, I’ve had a breakthrough!

I had THE WORST book signing at the Baltimore Book Festival on Friday!!! Let me get off topic for just a second…

My husband always tries to mend my broken heart, LOVE that about him. I mentioned above that I’m married to a superhero, right!?! Re-read my profile statement…it’s there. Yup, a superhero – he’s not weighed down by anything. Sure, he stresses out and often feels the pressures of life but his attitude towards it is one to be admired. He is, by every stretch of the imagination, MY superhero! He is always saying, “Don’t worry; tomorrow is a new day.” “It’s only money!” “It is what it is!” I love his cavalier demeanor and his chillax composure.

…so, I’m at the Book Festival and it’s raining – let me rephrase that, it’s POORING!!! Just when I think it can’t possibly rain anymore, the tent starts to leak, right on my table! Puddles are forming, my lunch box is soaking wet, my suitcase is wrapped in a plastic trash bag (thanks to the wonderful lady sitting next to me) and my hair looks like it’s going to be featured in the next episode of Fashion Police! It’s AWFUL!!! I paid $100 to go to this event and I sold two books! Ugh!! WORST BOOKSIGNING EVER!

Anyway, my self-pity hat was shining brightly that day I can tell you! But then, something happened. A man walked into the tent. No, that is not the shocking part!! No one really paid him any mind until he knocked two books, belonging to another author, off of his table and into a puddle. We’re not talking about a little drop of water, either; I’m talking a swimming pool for a frog kind of puddle. Two books, *plop* right into the water. That got everyone’s attention. He quickly picked them up and handed them to the author without a word, grabbed a few pieces of candy that he had sitting on his table and quickly walked away. At first I was appalled, “Can you believe that guy?” But, then it occurred to me (as I watched him return and come to my table for more candy) that he was homeless and simply in search of his next meal. I didn’t know who to feel worse for, the author who had to throw away two books or the homeless man who is eating candy for dinner.

[Enter superhero] I talked to my husband very shortly afterwards and he said something that really touched me. He said, “What if it was you? Who would you feel bad for, then?” Well, that’s easy, the homeless man of course! I can afford to throw away two books – I certainly wouldn’t want to, but if it were me that it happened to, I wouldn’t feel bad for myself! And, just like that, I started thinking about my miserable day…there is always someone who’s having a worse day, is mine really that bad? My hair…there are some people with no hair! My lunch box…there are some without a lunch in their bags. My suitcase…it only holds my books, there are some suitcases that hold everything in the world to some people.

God has truly blessed me and for that I will throw away my stupid, arrogant, ugly Self-Pity hat and I will be thankful for all of the blessings that I have been given. When I feel low and depressed, I will pray for those around me and far away that don’t have it as good as I do. And, when I feel like that hat is creeping out of the trash and back into my life, I will go out and make a difference in someone else’s life. Wait! I take that back, I will not wait for the hat to return before I do something nice for someone else. I will be on the lookout EVERYDAY for ways that I can help, comfort, love, support and/or simply be a shoulder for someone else. That is my vow to you and the world – I will not be so consumed with myself that I cannot see the homeless man who enters the tent until he knocks over books.

In a FUNK!

I’m wearing my funk hat today! I loathe my funk hat…it’s slimy and dirty, it’s heavy on my head but so hard to remove.  I can barely get out of bed when it’s on and it just makes me want to crawl back into bed once I’m out. It stinks! I can’t bathe when it’s on, so I might as well not bathe. It smells! I can’t eat when I smell bad things, so I might as well not eat. It’s heavy and uncomfortable and I won’t leave the house with it on and I hate playing with the kids when I’m wearing it…I might as well just go back to bed!

Why am I in a funk?! Take your pick…Irene wreaked havoc on my little county and because of it there has been no school for the kids and no work for me but instead of enjoying this beautiful weather and time off with my kids I’m depressed because money is tight and I haven’t been working so I don’t feel like I’m contributing and instead of being the best housewife in the universe I forgot to wash my husband’s work shirts and now there is a new found typo in my two year old book! Whew!

So, there you have it in one very large run-on sentence!

Tired...just tired!

Have you ever been so tired that you have no idea what hat you are wearing? That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling lately.

My daughter is almost 13 years old and she’s acting every bit of it! She’s KILLING me! She has no desire to spend any time with her family and when she does all I hear is fighting. She has an attitude that won’t quit and complaints that trump everything else in this world. Ugh! There’s my sTrEsS Hat!

The boys? Oh, yes! The Boys! They are restless and anxious and antsy and driving me insane! “Go OUTSIDE!!!” “But it’s too hot outside,” “We want to play the Wii,” “Mom, we’re HUNGRY!!” Ugh! I need a hat with earplugs!

My husband? I actually have no complaints about my husband…this time! Oh, there may be a serenity hat in here after all!

Let’s talk about family! There’s an old saying, “God gave us friends to apologize for the family he gave us!” Shock of all shockers, this quote has remained anonymous! I would probably refrain from attaching my name to it, as well. But, yes, I’m using it in my blog. Only because it’s a pretty safe bet that any family who is reading this blog is not the family I’m referring to.  I am so tired of the lack of support! I AM a published book author! Read it again…I AM A PUBLISHED AUTHOR!!! Why is it that I still have family who has not read my book? Why am I friends with them on Facebook but they won’t be a fan of my book’s fan page?? Family that won’t even acknowledge the fact that a book even exists?? Family that has NEVER even said, “Congratulations”? And, I’m not mad…I’m crushed! It breaks my heart that I have so little of a place in your heart that a simple “Congratulations” can’t even touch your lips. I’m hurt and it upsets me (I guess if you are reading this that’s probably what you want to hear, that you’ve hurt me, isn’t it?) – pretty sure this is my Sad Hat L

Now, let’s talk about “friends!” I put that in quotes for a reason and I’m sure you’ve figured out that the friends who are reading this are the true ones! No, fellow bloggers and readers, the “friends” I’m referring to are not friends at all. They are the people who pretend they like you then tell all of their friends what a #&$@ you are (fill in any four letter word you want, I’m sure they have all been used). The people who gossip about you behind your back, the ones who make Facebook uncomfortable and the ones you wish, every time they talk to you, that this is the one time that they are being sincere. But, I feel like I’m already broken, past the point of no return, and I find it hard to trust them and even myself when I’m around them. This is definitely my Discouraged Hat!

I woke up on Sunday morning, went to church, came home and went back to bed. I woke up around 5:00 and had dinner (my wonderful husband made it and it was DELISH!) then went back to bed. I woke up at 9:00 this morning and I still feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. I feel sluggish, lazy and tired…just plain tired! Ugh! I think I’m going to take off all of my hats now and go back to bed...